oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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