does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
