Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
