I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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