I cannot find my penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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