For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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