Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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