I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
