so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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