My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
