Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
