Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
