my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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