"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
