Please, let me fuck your mom
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
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