Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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