I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
