Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
