The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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