Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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