Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
