Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
