i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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