Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
