just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
