2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
