DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
