Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
