WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
