I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
