Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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