We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn victory sex feels great
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