can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You took a bar mat shot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
