The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
