Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
