you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
