hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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