I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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