Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think your dad took our porno
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
we should paint friendship bongs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
