So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
