Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
