I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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