I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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