Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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