dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
