My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
