Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
