I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
