he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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