No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
