You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
