So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
