she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
