He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
