I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
