You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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