just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didn't notice because vodka
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
