All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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