Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
