I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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