Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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