You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
