I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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