Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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