My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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