just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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