even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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