I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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