I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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