in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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