I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
