So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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