I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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