he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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