K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
