If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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