Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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