id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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