neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
