I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
