God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
love makes seman taste better
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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